The Porn-Free Disciplines
A few things to become disciplined in to help you in recovery
Discipline.
Discipline. The driving force that does what’s right even in the face of temptation & adversity. We admire people who have it because of the great things they can accomplish.
But the reality is, you can’t be disciplined in everything.
When it comes to becoming porn-free, you don’t need to have a NAVY seal, never-eat-cake, work out 24/7 type of discipline.
You just need to be disciplined in a few key things that will give you the clarity, strength, and endurance to regularly overcome temptations & adversities.
Here are a few things I’ve become disciplined in that help me overcome porn and get the most out of my day:
- Go to bed early
- Connect intentionally, regularly
- Eliminate distractions
- Plan your day with purpose
- Spend time in stillness
Go to Bed Early
“Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.” — Benjamin Franklin
I think most of our trips to the dark side happen late at night.
Most of us never have intentions of watching porn, but seeing a picture of a model, watching a sexual scene on TV, or recalling an arousing memory at the wrong time can leave us feeling defenseless.
What’s the best defense against late night-temptations?
Going to bed early and distancing yourself from your electronics at night.
Set a bedtime for your electronics (mine is 8 pm), and either turn them off entirely or place them in another room while you sleep.
Buy an old-fashioned alarm clock and use it to wake up early and get after it. You’ll feel more confident, and you’ll give yourself a better chance of making good choices throughout the day.
Remember: disciplined actions in the morning lead to disciplined actions throughout the day.
If you have trouble going to bed early, take some melatonin, and read a book. The melatonin will help you fall asleep faster, and reading a book will tire your eyes out, making it easier to fall asleep.
Go to bed early.
Connect Intentionally, Regularly
Connecting intentionally with others regularly is challenging for me.
I like to work hard and accomplish things, and it’s easy for me to lose sight of the importance of meaningful connection with others. Spending time with people, in my mind, takes away from me being able to get after it.
What I’ve realized in recovery, though, is that you can’t achieve success on your own. You need other people in your life to help you on your journey.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” — Proverbs 27:17
When we do life on our own and don’t prioritize meaningful connection with other people regularly, our hearts become dissatisfied and look to fulfill that desire for deep connection with things that make us feel good, like porn.
The times where I struggle the most with temptations are also the times when I have the least meaningful connection in my life.
But beware of spending too much time with other people.
As the guy who took pride in knowing everyone on my college campus, I noticed that spending too much time with too many people prevented me from accomplishing the things God was calling me to do.
I procrastinated with a seemingly good thing, but too much of a good thing can distract us from our purpose.
When we spread ourselves too thin with our social interactions, it can also leave us feeling unfulfilled. When we feel unfulfilled, we look for things that make us feel good, like porn.
Attaining a balance between the two is a lot easier than you think.
Just create weekly recurring phone calls, hangouts, etc. with people you enjoy, and limit your number of spontaneous activities (my golden rule is twice a month).
Prioritizing recurring weekly time to connect with others makes it intentional. You’re naturally able to consistently hold each other accountable, walk with each other through difficult times, and keep your heart feeling satisfied.
Connect intentionally, regularly.
Eliminate Distractions
“A little distraction we need, to destroy what we believe.” — Priyanshu
Video games. Netflix. Social media.
What do these three things have in common?
They are (for the most part) distractions that don’t add any value to our lives and distract us from our purpose.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a nice movie with my friends now and then, but that’s usually at the end of a long week when I’ve earned it.
Spending excessive time in front of a screen causes your ability to focus and produce meaningful things to decrease.
When we can’t focus our thoughts, it’s difficult for us to live into our purpose, and it’s difficult to be aware of God’s presence.
When we’re not aware of God’s presence, we aren’t able to lean into His grace to help us overcome temptations.
On top of these distractions taking away our time & purpose, there’s plenty of soft porn on Netflix, Instagram, YouTube, etc. which stimulates our desire to watch porn.
Most of my desires to watch porn are never instantaneous.
My desire is usually built up over time through a series of scrolling through social media, spending too much time on YouTube, watching a sexual scene on Netflix, etc.
What does eliminating distractions look like?
Deleting social media, Netflix, *insert app that leads you to porn here*, from your phone, and having a trusted friend set a passcode to prevent you from re-downloading apps.
Turn off notifications. Turn on greyscale to help you spend even less time on your phone.
Here’s an article I wrote on making your phone porn-proof.
Download blocking software for other electronics (laptops, iPads, etc.) and check in weekly with someone you trust to hold you accountable.
Get more rest. Work out more. Call up a friend or family member. Volunteer more. Read more. Learn something new.
Eliminate distractions.
Plan Your Day With Purpose
“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” — Proverbs 16:9
Once we effectively eliminate distractions from our lives, it’s time to do sh*t that’s good for us. It’s time to fill our day with purpose.
Planning your day with purpose doesn’t mean spending a day meditating and waiting for God’s voice before you do something. For me, it just means being proactive instead of being reactive.
When we’re reactive, it’s easy for us to cave into temptation. When we’re proactive, it’s a lot tougher for us to cave into temptation.
What does it mean to be proactive?
Writing out every hour of your day on a notecard with things you know are good for you and sticking with it. It won’t align all the time perfectly, but you’ll be a lot more likely to live a purpose-filled life when you plan.
After a while of living a life full of purpose, you’ll start to be disgusted at the idea of spending your time on video games, Netflix, or social media.
Don’t know what to fill your day with?
Good. Try everything. Anything is better than nothing.
It’s easier to direct a moving boat than a boat that’s distracted by social media, Netflix, and video games (isn’t that how the saying goes?)
Start your day by waking up early and overcome the weakness in your voice that wants to hit the snooze button or sleep in. Waking up early gives you a better chance of living your day with purpose.
Schedule in the things that you know are good for you. Write out your day the night before on a notecard.
Here’s an article I wrote on the power of planning your day out on a notecard.
What gets written down is what gets done.
Plan your day with purpose.
Spend Time in Stillness
Spending daily time in stillness has been the greatest thing I’ve adopted into my life — not just for my recovery; but also for life in general.
Stillness is the art of quieting the mind and getting in touch with your soul. Think of a still pond. I do this through meditating on scriptures or through breath prayers.
Once I get my mind to a state of stillness (or at least spend time trying), I then flood it with prayer, Bible reading, journaling, devotionals, etc.
Spending time in stillness allows me to effectively process the things that weigh my heart down and put a distance between me and God. They tend to revolve around unresolved tensions or conflicts with other people.
My routine is to wake up early, spend an hour in stillness comprised of meditation, prayer, journaling, and Bible reading, and then doing 30 minutes of yoga while blasting Christian music in my ears.
An hour of stillness in the morning sets the tone for my day and gives my soul the nourishment it needs to make wise & disciplined choices throughout the day.
Spend time in stillness.
Discipline means doing the things that are good for me every day, especially when I don’t want to. If I only do the things that are good for me on the days where I feel like it, then I don’t achieve anything meaningful.
Discipline is like a muscle. It takes consistent work every day.
But what we choose to be disciplined in is important.
Wise, disciplined actions create character and transform us from the inside out.
Pursue discipline in good & godly things, and a side benefit will be that you become porn-free.
On the days where you don’t feel like being disciplined, turn to God’s grace. He will encourage you to change and sustain you through temptations & adversity of all kinds.
